Doctor Breadhole

A Big Breadhole Down at the Donut Factory October 2016: I flee from an awful call center job into the warm embrace of a cushy job filing and arguing insurance claims on repossessed vehicles to mitigate loss for subprime lending entities. Most of my coworkers are fellow big insurance carrier expats looking for a position that would use their knowledge base without the punishing corporate culture of most major carriers. Geico? Liberty Mutual? Progressive? Everyone's overriding goal seems to be avoiding the pain in the ass bureaucratic morass of corporate America as much as possible. They also share a lot of communal sweets. I fit in. 2017: I discover White House Donuts, bringing them in each Wednesday to share with coworkers. I rise quickly through the ranks at the company and became a respected and accomplished employee. For a time, I like it. I am good at it. I develop a reputation for sharing doughnuts and Oreos . 2018:  Coworkers suggest different bakeries for ...

March 11th, 2020: We are in Louisiana for my sister Emma's wedding to her fiance Jonathan. Jonathan was born and raised in Lafourche Parish, in a town called Mathews, about an hour south of New Orleans and half-hour north of Houma. None of those distances meant anything to me in the three years I'd known him leading up to the wedding, but I wanted them to, so in planning our week-long trip to the wedding I made sure we had time to visit his hometown. To see his old haunts, his childhood spots. To understand where he came from. Oh, and to visit his local used bookstore. Earlier in the day we celebrated Breadhole Jr.'s first birthday with beignets at Cafe DuMonde, the iconic coffee shop in the French Quarter of New Orleans. Even that morning we can see signs of the time. Of the virus. We were all aware of the virus before leaving on the trip, and it's been a constant anxiety for my wife and I. Here we are, with both sides of my family and her parents in New ...

March 10, 2020: I am traveling to New Orleans via Chicago. North to go South. It is Breadhole Jr’s first flight, on what happens to be on his 365th day of life, the eve of his first birthday (delayed 24 hours, alas, by this leap year). A Noon flight that contradicts his daily napping schedule. He performs well on the first leg, but his new-experience exhaustion and shifted schedule makes eating the complementary pretzels on our first leg an ill-advised choice. In the face of possible tantrum, I acquiesce that small pleasure. We disembark our plane with the intent to eat during the layover. Rounding the corner from the gate, the fluorescent pink DD’s of Dunkin catch my eyes immediately.  “Uh, okay,” My wife says, preoccupied with the little boy strapped to her chest. “I wouldn’t dream of eating that,” my mom says, middle age having clearly stunted her imagination. It costs $1.50, possibly the cheapest 290 calories in the terminal. I choose the chocolate sprinkle...

March 1st, 2020. I stop at Kroger on my way home to pick up some dinner ingredients. I make a pass by the ice cream treats aisle to see if my newest donut desire has been stocked: the Klondike Donut. Indeed, it has. I pick up a package of the Boston Cream-laced confection and leave the store, forgetting the rest of my shopping list. Halfway out of the parking lot I find myself turning around to re-enter the store. Worth it? That night I feed Breadhole Jr. is dinner: a banana, some blueberries, a vegetable puree. Afterwards we share a Klondike Donut. He eats a single bite and begins to scream with euphoric elation. Being a good parent, I limit him to one bite, which seems in hindsight a cruel and unnecessary move. He only stops screaming when I throw some cheerios on his tray and walk behind his high chair to finish the rest. Worth it? Ultimately the Klondike Donut is simply a Klondike Bar with less Klondike. The ice cream bar is still square-shaped, but simply sans a t...

March 1st, 2020. Rebellion Donuts have long been one of my frequent shops in the Noblesville area, being the only donutry that has managed to nail both creative toppings and a good donut beneath them. I went up with my Mom on a Sunday morning after delivering some cardboard to the local recycling drop-off. It's become a ritual for us every few months. Today I specifically wanted to get myself my favorite Rebellion donut: the M&M Topped yeast donut. Ostensibly made for children visiting with their parents, I simply can't enough enough of this thing.  Rebellion's Yeast donut recipe has a few qualities I deeply respect and seldom find: they're enormous, puffy pastries that don't feel *too* airy thanks to a certain chewiness. The outside of the donut is flaky and flavorful, never greasy.  On this particular offering, the chocolate icing is not too strong in flavor. Honestly, many donut makers used canned chocolate icing that is trying too hard. Doe...

February 28th, 2020. My coworker Michael brought Rise 'n Roll donuts into work for us to try. The bakery chain - originally from northern Indiana, and originally Amish - opened as part of one of the fancy new developments in Fishers. I'd never been, personally, but always welcome a new donut experience. My preference when trying a new bakery is to try a traditional glazed and whatever happens to be that baker's "specialty." The problem with Rise 'n Roll is that they do not sell traditional glazed donuts, and their unique offerings are all nut or peanut based. I have a serious nut and peanut allergy, and thus could not take part in either of my usual fair tasting techniques. I settled for a chocolate iced as well as a caramel iced. The donut itself is a reasonably sized pastry - a 'two per cup of coffee' kind of treat. It isn't puffed up in size like many yeast, but it isn't dense to the point where it might seem like a cake do...

"Do you know where the donuts come from?" we asked the counter staff at our local Carmel KFC. They shrugged. "No, we just get the dough and fry it." "In the same oil as the chicken?" "Yes." I ordered mine immediately. ---- Because they fry the donuts on site, The  Kentucky Fried Chicken Donut Sandwich (KFCDS) is a white-meat boneless breast slid between two freshly fried donuts, slathered in enough glaze to create a soupy base of off-white sugar when served in a plastic bowl. It is not possible to eat as a sandwich, and requires a knife and fork. Comparisons can be made to Chicken + Waffles, and frankly the surface area of the food is less than most widely available C+W options. Then again, the food here is much cheaper. You're getting more bang for your buck when it comes to dessert and fried chicken meals.  the quality is a crapshoot. My donuts were a little over-fried, which created a nice, slightly crunchy texture. One...